Guaranteed strategy to access popular gym equipment

If you’ve ever been a member of a busy gym, especially a serious one frequented by ‘Grunt Brothers’, you’ll know how hard it can be to get onto the gym equipment, particularly the abdominal machines and bench-presses. Strangely not so for the calf raise machines which are frequently free, but I digress.

Before I reveal the secret I guess I should explain the ‘Grunt Brothers’ incase you haven’t come across them. Here’s a brief description………….

Thanks to jontunn

They travel in pairs or on the odd occasion triplets, but rarely quads.
Can often be found overloading the bar in an attempt to impress each other.
Then instantly faced with the realization that they wont be able to lift the stacked bar, they swing it into place relying on their already overstrained lower back muscles.
Throughout the lifting motion they emit cries usually confined to the toilet block out the back of the Ring of Fire Café, the local mega hot Indian curry house. I believe it was once reported that the straining noises were so loud that they woke a group of dozing proctologists, who rose as one and automatically click open their iPhone calendars in readiness for calls about emergency hemorrhoid operations.
 

Thanks to jontunn



Well yesterday I stumbled across a guaranteed solution.

Step 1: Hover near the machine you want.
Step 2: Keep a close eye on the television screens dotted around the gym
Step 3: Wait for a music video to appear that contains, at least two of the following:

1. A group of girls in black underwear
2. A group of girls in white underwear
3. A soccer ball and net
4. A soccer ground that seems to consist of 90% mud
5. The two teams start to play soccer.
6. Unfortunately lacking skills the girls instantly find themselves falling to the ground, and in the process get covered in mud

Step 4: Walk around the gym using any and all of the now vacant equipment, sidestepping the packs of mesmerized Grunt Brothers.

Thanks to daryl sim

If you’re extremely lucky, like I was, the clip will contain all four elements, I kid you not. On such an occasion you’ll have the entire weights floor to yourself. The Grunt Brothers wont even notice you hoping on and off the machines. 

The only thing left to do is…..

1. Move quickly, the song will only last for 7 minutes at most.
2. When it’s over sit back and watch as the first Grunt Brother returns to training. Not realising that you’ve reduced the machine to a more realistic setting he’ll employ the same force to lift the bar.
3. Remember to duck as the weights area becomes littered with flying bars and dumbbells, projected by what could become known as the Slingshot Lift.
4. Should the song be followed by a Justin Bieber melody, pack up your things and go home now, there’s no way you’ll get onto the machines again. 
5. However on the way out tell the receptionist that you find the female soccer video particularly motivating and would like it to be repeated, soon and often, or better still put on a loop whenever you come in. 
6. Driving home ponder how that soccer grounds keeper manages to keep his job when he so obviously lacks the prerequisite horticultural skills to maintain a single patch of grass.